Seven courstey Children to Parents According to Imam al-Ghazali
Every child is obliged to serve both parents. This is in accordance with the good command in the Qur'an and hadith. In interacting with parents, children must pay attention to ethical signs called adab. According to Imam al-Ghazali as stated in his treatise entitled Al-Adab fid Din in Majmu'ah Rasail al-Imam al-Ghazali (Cairo, Al-Maktabah At-Taufiqiyyah, page 444), there are at least seven adab children to parents as follows:
آداب الولد مع والديه: يسمع كلامهما, و يقوم لقيامهما, و يمتثل لأمرهما, ويلبى دعوتهما, ويخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة ولا يبرمهما بالإلحاح, ولا يمن عليهما بالبر لهما, ولا بالقيام بأمرهما, ولاينظر إليهما شزرا ولا يعصى لهما أمرا.
Meaning: "Adab the child to the parents, namely listening to the words of the parents, standing up when they stand, obeying according to their commands, fulfilling their vocation, humbling to them with affection and not bothering them with coercion, not easily feeling tired in doing good to them, and not hesitate to carry out their commands, not looking at them with suspicion, and not disobeying their orders. "
From the above quote, the seven children can be described as follows:
First, listen to the words of the parents. Every time a parent talks, the child must listen well, especially when parents talk seriously about giving advice. If the child intends to cut off the conversation, it's best to ask permission first. If you cut it you should ask permission, then it is very rude when the child asks parents to stop talking just because they do not like his advice.
Second, stand up when they stand up. When parents stand up, children should also stand up. This is not only good manners, but also shows the child's readiness to provide assistance whenever needed, requested or not. Likewise, if the parents sit down, the child should sit too unless there are no more seats to sit on.
Third, comply with their orders. Whatever orders the parents of the child must obey unless the order is contrary to the Shari'a of Allah SWT. Or the order exceeds the limits of its ability to be carried out. If this happens, a child must try as best he can. If forced to refuse, then the way to reject it must still be to uphold courtesy by apologizing and providing other alternatives that are in accordance with his abilities.
Fourth, fulfill their call. The child must immediately answer the parents' call once he hears the voice of the parents calling him. In the event that the child is performing prayer (sunnah prayer), he may cancel his prayer to immediately fulfill his call. If the parents call the child to go home and meet him, the child must immediately work on it as soon as there is a chance without delay.
Fifth, be humble to them with affection and not trouble them with coercion. A seal and as smart as any child must still respect the parents. He must love parents even though they may not be able to fulfill their desires. A child must understand the situation of parents both concerning physical strength, health, finance, and so on so that they do not demand something that is beyond their ability. In this way the child does not bother parents.
Sixth, it is not easy to feel tired in doing good to them, and not hesitate to carry out their orders. A child must always understand that in the past parents care for and raise them tirelessly and always love. For that a child must always try to please the parents by carrying out what he commands.
Seventh, do not look at them with suspicion and do not disobey their orders. A child must always be prejudiced towards parents. If indeed there is something that needs to be asked, the child would certainly be able to ask questions with good questions and not show suspicion. In addition, the child must not disobey his commands because obeying his parents is obligatory.
The seven rules above are minimal and must be known and implemented by the child. The older the age of a child, the greater the demand for him to pay attention and practice the seven tribes. The point is a child is not free to act on anything to parents. However, Imam al-Ghazali gave instructions about seven adab children to parents to do the best they could.
آداب الولد مع والديه: يسمع كلامهما, و يقوم لقيامهما, و يمتثل لأمرهما, ويلبى دعوتهما, ويخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة ولا يبرمهما بالإلحاح, ولا يمن عليهما بالبر لهما, ولا بالقيام بأمرهما, ولاينظر إليهما شزرا ولا يعصى لهما أمرا.
Meaning: "Adab the child to the parents, namely listening to the words of the parents, standing up when they stand, obeying according to their commands, fulfilling their vocation, humbling to them with affection and not bothering them with coercion, not easily feeling tired in doing good to them, and not hesitate to carry out their commands, not looking at them with suspicion, and not disobeying their orders. "
From the above quote, the seven children can be described as follows:
First, listen to the words of the parents. Every time a parent talks, the child must listen well, especially when parents talk seriously about giving advice. If the child intends to cut off the conversation, it's best to ask permission first. If you cut it you should ask permission, then it is very rude when the child asks parents to stop talking just because they do not like his advice.
Second, stand up when they stand up. When parents stand up, children should also stand up. This is not only good manners, but also shows the child's readiness to provide assistance whenever needed, requested or not. Likewise, if the parents sit down, the child should sit too unless there are no more seats to sit on.
Third, comply with their orders. Whatever orders the parents of the child must obey unless the order is contrary to the Shari'a of Allah SWT. Or the order exceeds the limits of its ability to be carried out. If this happens, a child must try as best he can. If forced to refuse, then the way to reject it must still be to uphold courtesy by apologizing and providing other alternatives that are in accordance with his abilities.
Fourth, fulfill their call. The child must immediately answer the parents' call once he hears the voice of the parents calling him. In the event that the child is performing prayer (sunnah prayer), he may cancel his prayer to immediately fulfill his call. If the parents call the child to go home and meet him, the child must immediately work on it as soon as there is a chance without delay.
Fifth, be humble to them with affection and not trouble them with coercion. A seal and as smart as any child must still respect the parents. He must love parents even though they may not be able to fulfill their desires. A child must understand the situation of parents both concerning physical strength, health, finance, and so on so that they do not demand something that is beyond their ability. In this way the child does not bother parents.
Sixth, it is not easy to feel tired in doing good to them, and not hesitate to carry out their orders. A child must always understand that in the past parents care for and raise them tirelessly and always love. For that a child must always try to please the parents by carrying out what he commands.
Seventh, do not look at them with suspicion and do not disobey their orders. A child must always be prejudiced towards parents. If indeed there is something that needs to be asked, the child would certainly be able to ask questions with good questions and not show suspicion. In addition, the child must not disobey his commands because obeying his parents is obligatory.
The seven rules above are minimal and must be known and implemented by the child. The older the age of a child, the greater the demand for him to pay attention and practice the seven tribes. The point is a child is not free to act on anything to parents. However, Imam al-Ghazali gave instructions about seven adab children to parents to do the best they could.
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